


We've heard it all before

by Airaneae



Category: Transformers: Prime
Genre: Abuse, Anxiety, Canon-Typical Violence, Fluff, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-07
Updated: 2020-12-04
Packaged: 2021-03-03 03:14:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 8,307
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24058063
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Airaneae/pseuds/Airaneae
Summary: Starscream hoped so much that Megatron would never return after he disappeared a couple of years ago. But here he was, destroying Starscream's hard work over the years upon his arrival. The Decepticons had done so well under the seeker's command, they had everything they needed and the Autobots had yet to find their ship. And Megatron was going to destroy everything. Again.
Comments: 29
Kudos: 113





	1. It starts yet again

Great. Absolutely fantastic. Megatron was back after his little three-year vacation to Primus-knows where and everything Starscream had worked for had blown up right before his optics.

After Megatron had disappeared into space it was up to Starscream to keep the troops under control until their mighty leader returned. Surprisingly, he did well. Very well, in fact. Not a single Vehicon or Eradicon had been terminated and they always had enough energon in stock.

Starscream had enjoyed those years very much, mainly because he, for once, had complete control over the Nemesis and those who lived on the warship. The Decepticons had not once been attacked by their enemies and their energon mines also remained hidden. Everything was absolutely perfect.

He had never felt so… so _happy_ since the fall of Cybertron. It was almost as if the war didn't exist anymore.

But alas, all great things always came to an end, and so Megatron returned and had promptly beat the seeker upon his arrival. Starscream didn't even know _why_ and Megatron never needed a reason to beat his Second in Command up. Sometimes the seeker wouldn't even hear him coming and next he knew his face would we shoved into the wall or his wings torn up.

It annoyed him to no end, to see all his hard work being walked over as if it was worth nothing. It hurt to some extend, too. At the very beginning of the war, Megatron and the seeker had been on equal ground. The warlord even held some sort of respect for him, being the commander of the best energon seekers back on Cybertron.

Now, he was only Megatron's punching bag. He was no Air Commander. No ally. No nothing. Just something Megatron could let his anger out on.

With a heavy sigh, the seeker once again stepped- or rather, _limped_ out of the medbay. As he glanced back, he saw Knock Out's sympathetic face just before the doors slid closed. On his way to his quarters, the freshly fixed-up seeker let his thoughts wander.

It was one of the rare times he thought about his home city, before the war started. He smiled slightly at the memory of his trinemates. He thought about Skywarp silly pranks and Thundercracker's soothing voice. And he thought about how terribly much he missed them.

The seeker had been so lost in thoughts that he almost walked right past his quarters. Sighing again, he tapped in the code on the keypad next to the doors and walked inside. Slowly, the lights flickered on and he stared at his small berth, wich stood to the side. To the other side stood a table and a chair, datapads scattered over the table's surface.

Starscream laid down in his berth, wincing at the sting of his injuries. While Knock Out did a good job at patching him up, he couldn't do anything about the pain as they had run out of painkillers a couple of weeks ago. He had confronted Megatron about the issue, suggesting to go for a supply run with a couple of Eradicons.

Apparently, the silver mech had not been in a good mood that exact moment and beat the seeker into the ground, thus the injuries he now had to deal with. Soundwave had found him on the control bridge after the warlord had left and informed Knock Out of the seeker's state of well-being.

Starscream sighed for what felt like the hundredth time and turned over, facing the wall. He closed his optics and fell into a dreamless recharge.

…

With a painful groan, the seeker pried his optics open the next morning. He stared at the ceiling for a couple of minutes before getting up and making his way to the control bridge to report for duty. He wasn't looking forward to it, not because he was too lazy to work but because Megatron was probably there.

Spark beating anxiously, the seeker forced himself to walk at an even pace, trying his best to hide his injuries. Lo and behold, the tyrant was there when Starscream arrived. He slowly walked up to the silver mech, looking at the ground, afraid of what might happen.

"R-Reporting for duty, Lord Megatron" The seeker almost slapped himself for stuttering, but he couldn't help it. Standing as still as possible, the nervous mech waited for a response. When he got none, he took it as a sign to leave and tend to his duties.

His day was mostly spend with sorting through files and checking up on the drones in the mines. It was boring but he'd never dare to say so out loud, or else he'd probably be beaten up again. Starscream shivered at the thought and tried to clear his mind. He tried to focus on his work but his injuries were throbbing, making thinking very difficult.

By the end of the day, the seeker's mind was hazy from the pain in his leg. He'd been standing very stiffly, not able to relax in the slightest with Megatron nearby. He'd gathered up a couple of datapads on his workstation and made to leave when suddenly, someone called his name. Someone he'd rather avoid.

"Starscream." Megatron said, looking at him with a calm expression, but Starscream knew from past experience that only because someone looked calm from the outside, it didn't mean they were furious on the inside.

"Y-Yes, Lord Megatron?" The seeker stammered, freezing in place. He didn't dare look in the other mech's optics, otherwise he might pass out from nervousness. Starscream flinched as he heard the heavy thud of pedes getting closer, stopping right in front of him. For a few moments, there was nothing but agonizing silence wich seemed to stretch on forever.

Finally, the warlord spoke. "You seemed quite distracted today, Starscream. What's the matter?" Starscream started to tremble, wishing he was anywhere but here. Megatron would beat him up again, the seeker was sure of it. He'd slacked off while working, but only because he was injured! But knowing Megatron, he wouldn't care if the seeker was injured or not.

Suddenly, the silver mech grabbed the slim seeker's arm, yanking him closer. Starscream yelped and finally looked Megatron in the optics. He immediately wished he didn't. The warlord leaned closer, only inches away and Starscream could clearly see the anger in his optics.

"Listen closely, seeker, because I will not repeat myself. If you continue to do nothing but fool around while on duty then I will personally tear off those wings of yours. Am I understood?" Starscream nodded frantically, mumbling affirmatives over and over again. "Good." With that, the silver mech shoved him away and Starscream all but ran away.

As soon as he got to his quarters, he punched in the code and ran inside. With shaking servos, the seeker leaned onto the table, digging his claws into the edge. He almost started crying when he realized that he'd forgotten his datapads back in the control bridge, he'd probably dropped them when Megatron shoved him.

The seeker considered going back to get them, but then decided against it. He'd been lucky that Megatron didn't punched him in the face, there was no way he was going back there as long as _he_ was there.

Legs shaking, Starscream limped towards his berth and collapsed on top of it. He already missed the time when Megatron was gone. The mood on the Nemesis had been better, everyone was more relaxed when the warlord was gone. That time was gone and Starscream once again had to fear that everyday could be the day that Megatron decided that the seeker wasn't worth it anymore.

He shuddered at the thought and curled up on his berth, exhaustion taking over. The slim mech fell into an unrestful recharge, plagued with nightmares of his own death.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooo, what do you think? Should I continue? Thoughts are welcome. :3


	2. The cycle repeats itself

Starscream wanted to disappear, just vanish and never return. Megatron couldn’t have meant what he just said. He had barely returned and was now proudly proclaiming that he was going to fight the leader of their enemies, Optimus Prime.

“We are going to lure those cowards out of their hiding place and finish them off once and for all!” He practically roared, and the drones on the control bridge all cheered, calling out the warlord’s name. It made Starscream feel utterly useless. Had they already forgotten what he had done for them in Megatron’s absence?

The seeker shook his head and sighed, quietly, of course, so Megatron wouldn’t hear him. He watched the Vehicons and Eradicons as they continued to cheer for their leader and frowned. They had no choice but to do what pleased the warlord the most, or else he’d probably slaughter them all for disagreeing with him. Or he’d let his anger out on Starscream, as he did usually.

But seriously, did Megatron really think that the Autobots would be fooled that easily? If they were, then the Decepticons would have won the war a long time ago.

“I vow that this is-“ Ugh, he was still going on with his _grand_ speech. Not once in the past had he ever come close to offlining the Prime and yet he kept acting as if he alone had gotten the Decepticons this far.

“-ill remember the day Prime offli-“ Yes, yes. He was going to offline the Prime, restore Cybertron on his own and probably conquer the whole universe afterwards. Starscream snorted. And immediately wished he hadn’t.

“Anything to say, Starscream?” Megatron looked furious, his optics seeming to glowing as he glared at the seeker. Said seeker gulped and opened his mouth to reply, but nothing came out. His wings drooped low and he took a couple of steps back. The silver mech’s glare only seemed to intensify at that and he took three large steps forward, grabbing the seeker’s arm, just as he’d done the other day.

Instead of pummeling him into the ground, however, Megatron just leaned closer to the seeker. “I will deal with you after I finish off the Prime.” He practically hissed in his face and then released him. Immediately, the seeker stepped back as the other mech turned back to the troops. For the second time, he hadn’t been pummeled into the ground or thrown across a room.

Utterly perplexed, the seeker barely managed to listen to Megatron as he announced that they were going to attack a small town to lure the Autobots out. Even in his panicked state, he could tell that this was going to end in a catastrophe. They knew next to nothing about their enemies after several years of silence from both sides, and yet the silver warlord was sure he would be able to defeat them.

“Starscream, gather the troops and prepare for take-off.” Megaton ordered and promptly left the control bridge. He heard the troops murmur, some saying his name, but he couldn’t care at the moment. He was still a little shocked. Usualy, Megatron wouldn’t waste the opportunity to humiliate the slim mech in front of the troops. Not that Starscream wasn’t grateful for not being beaten to a pulp. It was just unusal.

Several minutes later, he found himself on the flight deck of the Nemesis, looking ahead to where the silver warlord stood Soundwave stood a couple of feet behind him, silent as always. Finally, after what seemed like forever, the warlord turned and gazed upon vehicons, his gaze momentarily resting on Starsream.

The seeker waited anxiously for their leader’s command to take flight, his optics flicking between the silver giant and the rest of the troops. They hadn’t even planned how to fight the Autobots. The troops were a little out of practice, since they hadn’t fought with their enemies in a long time. He didn’t even know how many of them were there. What if they’d become a much bigger threat than anticipated? What if-

He was cut off by their leader, commanding the troops to take flight and follow him. Starscream hesitated, feeling dizzy all of sudden, before he finally jumped into transformation, hurrying after their leader.

The flight, in Starscream’s opinion, was way too short. Way sooner then he would’ve liked, they reached their destination, a small human village somewhere in the desert. As soon as the humans saw them, they fled, to wich Megatron chuckled.

He gazed momentarily over the village, looking almost bored, before the silver mech charged up his fusion cannon and fired upon one of the buildings nearby. The Eradicons followed his example and opened up fire on houses or other small structures. Starscream watched them, feeling more nervous as the minutes passed.

The seeker began tapping his pede anxiously, looking around for any sign of the Autobots. Not much longer and they’d be here, surely. Red optics flicked nervously to the silver warlord, who seemed almost excited to fight their enemies. The Eradicons had stopped shooting, for there was not much left of the village. They shuffled about, glancing at their leader occasionally, but they, too, didn’t seem all that bothered by the fact that they were just about to fight the Autobots.

 _What is taking them so long?_ Starscream was a little confused. Usually, they’d be long engaged in battle by now. Megatron didn’t seem bothered when Starscream turned to look in his direction. The seeker shook his head, wondering how someone could be okay with killing another over absolutely nothing. Sure, the Autobots were their enemies, and he understood why Megatron would want to kill the Prime, but for what? Cybertron was long gone and the cities wich once shone in the light of the twin suns orbiting the planet were no more but the leftovers of a warzone.

Suddenly, before the seeker’s optics, the swirling green and blue lights of a groundbridge sparked into existence and an all too familiar figure stepped through, followed by smaller bots. Starscream’s spark jumped into his throat and he actually took a step back despited their enemies still being a couple hundred feet away from them.

Megatron grinned, his sword sliding out between heavily armored plates as he looked across the desert floor, right into the optics of Optimus Prime. Starscream felt dizzy all of sudden and his spark sped up a bit. What was wrong with him? He’d never been this nervous before a fight. Shaking his helm, he balled his servos into fists, willing himself to focus, but he couldn’t quite shake off the nervous feeling, especially when their leader repeated the same cycle once more.

“Optimus Prime!” He roared across the desert and lifted his arm into the air, a plasma blast shooting from his fusion cannon. The slim mech heard as the Eradicons behind them charged up their blasters as well and got ready for battle. Starscream gulped.

It had begun once more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay, another chapter! I'm so sorry for the wait, I've been pretty busy this month. But thank you all so much for Kudos, I really appreciate it! :3


	3. Another failure

With a savage warcry, Megatron charged forward, the Eradicons only a couple of feet behind him. The Autobots reacted immediately and began shooting at them while splitting up to hit them from multiple sides. Starscream counted five of them. Obviously, Prime was there, followed by his ever loyal scout. He saw the green wrecker, Bulkhead, and the blue femme, Arcee, with her annoying partner, Cliffjumper

 _So_ _there aren’t more of them, then?_ Starscream wondered. Had the rest of them hidden somewhere, maybe? Frowning, he looked across the battlefield to the wrecked human village and found no-one there. They couldn’t have hidden elsewhere, for there was nothing but dust and sand for miles. Why humans would choose to live here, he’d probably never know. There was nothing appealing about this landscape, only dirt and-

His thoughts got cut off as a plasma blast zoomed past his helm, missing the startled seeker only by inches. The slim mech looked forward, optics wide as he saw the blue femme and her partner running towards him, blasters and blades at the ready.

Starscream narrowed his optics and lifted his arm, shooting a missile in their direction. The missile connected with the ground a couple of feet before the two Autobots, missing them completely. However, the huge cloud of dust that was thrown into the air blinded them momentarily, and that was what the seeker was hoping for.

He transformed and shot into the air before the dust cleared and began firing upon them from above. Starscream hit them a couple of times before they managed to figure out from where the attacks were coming from. The seeker swerved to the right when they began to fire and flew across the battlefield. If he wouldn’t be feeling so nervous, he would’ve been proud of his little manoeuver, but his spark was still beating uncomfortably fast in his chest.

As he soared across the battlefield, a wave of dizziness hit him out of nowhere and he was distracted for a few seconds. Enough for one of the Autobots to shoot him, apparently. A plasma blast tore through one of his wings and he went down, transforming as he hit the sandy ground, throwing dust in the air as he finally slid to a stop.

The seeker only saw static for a few seconds before his vision cleared.

And then the pain hit him.

A chocked cry of agony escaped him as the seeker turned to get a look at his wing. There was a gaping hole in his wing, melted metal dripping down his wing. He felt sick. Shakily, he got to his pedes while he looked out for any Autobots. He saw the Prime and Megatron engaged in a heated battle, while the wrecker and the yellow scout fought off a couple of Eradicons. Nervously, he looked around for the other two, but failed to spot them.

The seeker froze as a hot blaster was pressed against his back and he forced back a whimper of pain. “Onto the ground. Now.” A male voice said and saw glimpses of red armor. The seeker was shoved onto the desert floor when he didn’t move. He almost laughed at himself for forgetting to check if anyone was _behind_ him instead of the middle of the battlefield.

“You know, I already thought you were a horrible fighter from the start. But _this_? This is a whole new level of horrible. Didn’t even look behind ya, screamer.” Cliffjumper mocked him, even shaking his head in fake disappointment. The blue femme at his side merely smirked at her partner before shooting a Eradicon that had attempted to get to them.

Starscream hissed as the red grounder kneeled on his back, to wich the Autobot laughed. Despite his outside appearance of hatred and annoyance, the seeker was terrified on the inside. The red Autobot was known for his recklessness and his inclination to let his enemies suffer a bit before offlining them.

The seeker felt a tug on his injured wing and this time he couldn’t keep the cry of pain inside. He struggled once more, to the amusement of his captor, who promptly pressed his blaster harder into the injured mech’s back. He flinched when he felt a servo on his wing and tried to flick the servo away with it.

The slim mech heard the Autobot femme cry out in pain and the mech above him looked starled, starting to lift off him before he remembered that the seeker was now free to move. Starscream immediately turned onto his back and kicked the red mech’s legs out under him, rolling away when he came crashing down.

Once he got up, his wing still throbbing in pain, he saw what startled the Autobot so much. He allowed himself to smirk as he watched Soundwave electrocute the femme once more before throwing her onto the ground, where she lay limply. “Arcee!” The red mech screamed, pushing himself onto his pedes, now completely ignoring Starscream, wich the seeker used to his advantage to put a bit of distance between them.

Once he felt he was far enough away, he allowed himself to rest for a couple of moments, assessing the situation. The seeker grimaced as he looked at his wing. There was no way he’d be able to fly with such an injury, even if he’d try to force himself. He had absolutely no way of escaping the enemy, he realized, and he suddenly felt very much trapped.

Looking back to the battlefield, he saw that not very much Eradicons were left. Dead frames lay scattered on the ground, their energon soaking the sand. Among the dead frames were the two leaders of both factions, swords and plasma blasts slicing and blasting through the air. Megatron looked thoroughly pissed while the Prime still looked somewhat calm.

Both of them had cuts that were leaking energon, but the silver warlord looked worse for wear. They would need to retreat soon. Starscream didn’t know where he wanted to be the least, the Nemesis or the battlefield, both had their ups and downs. Sure, on the battlefield chances were higher to get scrapped by an Autobot but on the Nemesis he was sure to be beaten up as soon as they returned.

The seeker glanced back at Soundwave, who was still busy fighting the red mech that had pinned him down earlier and saw the blue two-wheeler slowly rising to her pedes, still disorientated. Starscream transformed one his arms into a null ray, taking aim at the blue femme. Just as a fired a shot, something slammed into him from behind, taking him down with it once more.

The seeker yelped as he hit the ground and scrambled to get onto his pedes, just to get his legs knocked from under him. He turned his head slightly, looking into the optics of a very angry looking scout, who had both of his blasters aimed at the frightened seeker.

_Again? Really? Not once, but twice I manage to get overwhelmed by an Autobot. Maybe that Cliffjumper wasn’t so wrong after all… I really am a horrible fighter._

He almost wanted to slap himself for that. When had he become so pathetic? He had been one of the greatest fighters and fliers in Vos, if not the best of them all, and one Autobot wasn’t going to change that.

Apparently, his inner turmoil had been visible on his faceplates, for the Autobot seemed a little confused, lowering his arms just a tiny bit as a frown spread over the scout’s face. Starscream took that opportunity to twist around and jump into a standing position, digging his talons into one of the bot’s arms.

The reaction was immediate. The yellow bot started shooting with his remaining blaster, hitting the seeker quite a few times before he managed to grab that one too. The two of them struggled, both trying to gain the upper servo. With a growl, Starscream sunk his talons into the Autobot’s arms, hot energon trickling out of the wounds and dripping onto the ground.

A whirring sound that he interpreted as pain escaped his enemy as Starscream shoved him away, watching him fall to the ground as the bot held his arms close. The seeker felt quite relieved that he didn’t need Soundwave’s aid a second time, or else he might just really start to believe the words that the other Autobot had told him earlier.

“Decepticons, retreat!” The seeker froze at those words. Frightened optics searched the battlefield for the Decepticon warlord and there he stood, in all is beaten up and pissed off glory. Gulping, the seeker watched as he glared at the Prime full of hatred before finally disappearing through a groundbridge that Starscream didn’t even notice was there until now.

He hesitated, his spark pounding frantically in his chest. The seeker had seen with how much hate and frustration he’d looked at the Prime because he hadn’t been able to defeat him. Shakily, he followed Soundwave and the few Eradcions that were left into the groundbridge, knowing what was going to happen to him once he was back on the Nemesis.

Somehow, the pain in his wing didn’t seem so bad anymore in comparison to what was awaiting him once he reached the other side of the groundbridge.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another update? So soon?! I've been really motivated to write the last two days and had already finsihed half of this chapter... So i finished the other half and here it is. Enjoy, and as always, comments are welcome. :D


	4. This is your definition of fun?

Red optics opened, but saw nothing more than static.

_Where… am I?_

The mech tried to move and immediately stiffened at the pain that went through their slim body. A stabbing pain went up their legs and the pain only worsened the further up it traveled. Groaning, the mech tried to open their optics once more, this time with a little more luck.

_Ah, the Nemesis…_

The first thing Starscream noticed was that he was laying on the floor of the control bridge. Energon was leaking from wounds all over his body, but he was pretty sure that most of these injuries weren't from their fight with the Autobots. Wait… the Autobots? When had they… Oh _no_. The battle!

Grimacing in pain, the seeker tried to lift himself into a sitting position. He needed to go to the medbay to get his wounds treated. Once he was sitting, the seeker paused, his vision blurry. How much energon had he lost?

"Ah, awake again, I see…" The slim mech flinched violently, now knowing where he had gotten the other injuries from. Slowly, the mech turned his head and found Megatron standing at the control panel, his back turned to him. The silver warlord looked almost calm, the way he stood there, if it weren't for the fusion cannon mounted on his arm, wich was slowly but surely charging up to fire a shot.

"For a moment, I believed you had left us, once and for all..." The warlord spoke, finally turning around to look at the other mech. Starscream gulped. Despite the calm tone the warlord had, he knew that, beneath the surface, he was absolutely furious. "L-Lord Megatron, I…" The seeker trailed off, not knowing how to continue.

Megatron didn't seem to care and slowly made his way towards the scared mech. Starscream scrambled back as fast as his wounds would allow. "I had thought that your behavior of recent couldn't get any worse, but you proved me wrong." He stopped a couple of feet before the shaking seeker, towering over him. "Not only are you useless as a commander, but as a soldier as well."

"B-But Lord Megatron, I-" Starscream stammered again, optics widening.

"SILENCE!" The warlord roared and the seeker shrunk in on himself, wings automatically lowering in a submissive gesture. He scrambled back until his back hit the wall behind him as the silver tyrant before him growled. Megatron stepped closer and reached down, wrapping a servo around the seeker's thin neck before he lifted him up and slammed him against the wall.

"I read Soundwave's report of our last battle, and I must say, I'm very disappointed." Whimpering, Starscream clawed at Megatron's servos around his neck, trying to loosen the tyrant's grip somehow. Megatron didn't seem all too much bothered and only tightened his grip. "Not only do you manage to let yourself get overwhelmed by two of the Autobot's scouts, but you didn't even manage to defeat one of them." He seethed. "You're pathetic, Starscream."

With that, he dropped the seeker, who promptly started coughing, and aimed his fusion cannon at the injured mech. "Name me one reason why I shouldn't offline you right now." Of course, Megatron wasn't really going to kill the other mech. He merely enjoyed scaring the seeker, reminding him of his place. After a few seconds, the weight of the words finally hit the seeker and he froze, wide optics looking up at the silver warlord.

"I- I, ah…" His throat chocked up before he managed to get out a proper sentence and he began to tremble slightly. This was it? He was going to die, killed by his own faction? The seeker thought about death often and imagined all the different ways he could die, but he never wanted to believe he'd die on the Nemesis, executed by his own leader at that.

"Thought so." The seeker curled up tightly as he heard the warlord's words, feeling the heat of the fusion cannon. Squeezing his optics shut, he awaited his impending doom.

A violent blast heated up the air around him and he felt the shot pass over his helm by just a couple of inches.

But he wasn't dead.

_What… ?_

"Consider this a warning, seeker. Mess up again and I shall not be so merciful next time." Powerful steps headed to the exit but the seeker was still in a daze. His processor swam and he saw double. Weakly, the shaking mech tried to lift himself from the floor, and promptly failed. The seeker lay sprawled on his front, helm tilted to one side as he watched the energon- _his_ energon flow into little cracks and seams of the bridge.

He almost died.

He almost _died._

The seeker started hyperventilating as he recalled the last couple of minutes. Megatron was about to kill him. He had his fusion cannon charged and everything. Or was he just messing with the seeker, as he did so often? Did Megatron think this was funny? Slowly, the seeker lifted his helm and turned to look at the wall that had been shot instead of him.

Was _that_ Megatron's definition of fun?!

The metal on the wall was still hot, parts of it _glowing_. Some metal even completely melted and was currently dripping down the side. That could've been him. He could be a melting heap of metal right now. He felt dizzy and weird, like this was all some sort of dream. Or a nightmare.

He activated his comm. Link and send a ping to a very familiar comm. frequency, one he had to call often in the past few weeks.

::Ah, Starscream, what can I do for you?:: Came the slightly amused voice of the ship's medic. ::Finally thought about upgrading your weaponry? Or maybe-::

::Not now, Knockout:: Starscream managed to say, unusally quiet when he normally would be snarking at the medic for the comment.

::Starscream?:: Gone was the relaxed and playful tone. The usually cocky mech could hear that something was very wrong. ::Where are you?:: The medic even sounded a little worried.

::Control bridge.:: The seeker murmured, helm thumping back against the ground. He was exhausted and his vision began to blurr, but he still managed to hear the medic.

::I'll be right there, hold on.::

The comm. disconnected and Starscream curled up on the cold floor of the control bridge, tears sliding down his cheeks. Quiet sobs filled the air and the seeker was glad that none of the Vehicon or Eradicons were there to witness him like this. A small victory, at least.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, another chapter! I'm kinda not happy with the chapter title but I couldn't think of something better. I hope you still enjoy reading this. :D  
> Edit: Whoops, just now noticed the Author Note was in the middle of the story. I‘m so sorry, I hope it didn‘t bother anyone too much.


	5. This is not freedom, is it?

The wounds Starscream sustained were a bit worse than he expected. Knock Out had told him that, besides the dangerous amount of energon he lost, some of his organs had been damaged. His fuel pump was unrepairable, but luckily, the medic had fitting spare parts that matched his slim frame. Other than that, his T-Cog had a couple of dents and cuts, none of wich Knock Out wasn’t capable of fixing.

Where exactly he got those injuries, the seeker wasn’t sure. He couldn’t recall any of the Autobots kicking or slicing into his abdomen during the battle, so he must’ve gotten those wounds from Megatron.

Knock Out had him stay in the medbay for a day to supervise his vital signs before he send the seeker off to his quarters with some pain meds. He had been cleared of duty for a couple of days because of his injuries.

Curled up in his berth, Starscream winced at the dull throb in his abdomen. While the pain meds had dulled the ache noticeably, the seeker still felt his freshly fixed fuel pump throb in tandem with his sparkbeat. Squeezing his optics shut, the silver mech tried to ignore the pain and get at least a little bit of rest.

He failed.

Grumbling in annoyance, the seeker checked his chronometer and grit his dentae in frustration when he saw it was in the middle of his recharge cycle.

Knowing he wouldn’t be recharging anytime soon, the seeker slowly sat up. Despite being careful, the freshly patched injury send a stab of pain up his side, making him slightly dizzy.

He needed fresh air.

Planting his pedes firmly onto the ground beside his berth, the seeker slowly pushed himself up into a standing position, gritting his dentae in pain at the strain it put on his wounds. On shaking legs, he made his way over to the door of his quarters, leaning heavily on the frame as the seeker reached the exit.

How was he ever going to make it to the flight deck?

Stepping out of his quarters, the mech checked the hallways to make sure they were empty. Most mechas were recharging at this time, but Soundwave wasn’t like most mechas. Once or twice he’d encountered the silent mech in the hallways at night, and he didn’t feel like doing so tonight. He really didn’t feel like explaining why he was awake in the middle of a recharge cycle, when he should be resting in his berth.

As silently as he could, the seeker stepped out into the hallway. The lights were dimmed, even more than usual and he limped down the hallway, keeping close to the wall in case he’d loose his balance.

The seeker needed to stop and rest a couple of times on his way to the flight deck due to sudden dizziness, but when he finally reached his destination, he sighed in relief. The Nemesis hovered high above the clouds and the seeker could watch the seemingly endless stars as they twinkled in the sky.

It were peaceful moments like this, when the seeker wished his trinemates were here by his side. They had used to go stargazing, shortly before the war started. Hours upon hours they would spend beneath the night sky, talking and laughing. For just a brief moment, they could pretend that everything was alright, that war wasn’t about to barge in and tear everything they knew and loved apart…

Starscream grimaced, this time not from the pain, and willed those memories away. It hurt, to think about his trinemates, so the seeker tried to focus on something else. He swallowed down the lump in his throat and made his way to the edge of the flight deck, sitting down.

Looking down, the slim mech caught glimpses of a forest between the clouds high above it. How far up were they, anyways? The seeker wasn’t sure, but he knew that a fall from this height would be lethal.

Without even realizing it, he’d leaned far too much forward than any sane mech would if they knew their T-Cog was still healing. The seeker found he didn’t care all too much. He even leaned a little bit further forward.

Clouds obscured his vision from the ground once again, and they seemed so soft, so inviting that he’d do nothing rather than let himself fall. Fall and forget the war, forget his pain, both physical and emotional. It would be so easy, and it wouldn’t even hurt that much. Not anywhere near the pain he felt almost on daily basis.

He’d just have to let go and let himself fall-

Startled, the seeker scrambled away from the edge, pain searing up his side. He felt sick, sicker than he could ever remember. He almost…

What was he thinking…?

Ragged gasps tore their way out of his throat and he felt dizzy all over again. He drew his knees close and wrapped his arms around his helm, wishing he hadn’t come out here at all. The seeker shook violently as he tried to make sense of the whirlwind of emotions inside his spark.

Starscream pushed himself up, his spark still pounding wildly inside his chest, and walked as quickly as he could back to the large door of the flight deck. He needed to get back inside, away from the edge, away from the temptation to- to…

He’d rather not think about it.

Once inside, the seeker leaned against the wall next to the door and slid down until he sat on the ground. Did he really almost…? No. No, no, don’t even think about it. Don’t.

But Starscream couldn’t help but feel the disappointment in his spark that he wasn’t back outside, on the edge of the flight deck, on the edge of _freedom_. Freedom of the daily torment, the pain in his spark whenever he thought about those he lost.

But since when had he ever considered death to be freedom?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for the long wait. I had forgotten to save the file of this chapter and had to rewrite the last part of it. I'm sorreeeeeh. :c  
> As always, your thoughts are very welcome. :3


	6. Seriously?

The days after the… _incident_ went by in a blur, and Starscream found himself all too soon back on the command bridge, at his workstation under Megatron's watchful gaze. He told himself that everything would go back to normal after a couple of days rest, but it just wasn't quite as the seeker expected it would be.

He found himself thinking back to the night on the flight deck far too much for his- and Megatron's, liking, wich left him distracted during his shift and also with a couple of dents in his armor whenever he became absentminded. Starscream assumed that his lord wasn't aware of his little trip to the flight deck, since nothing whatsoever had changed in his daily routine.

Somehow, that stung worse than any physical injury could. Sure, he hated the mech with all of his spark, but a tiny part of him, for some reason, wished that he'd care…

_No. Megatron doesn't care about anyone._ He thought bitterly, hardly aware that he had stopped typing. The only one Megatron showed any signs concern for were Soundwave, and even the silent mech hardly caught their leader's attention when it came to matters like these.

Back when the war had just begun, the warlord had cared about his troops, to some extent. Of course he didn't mourn every loss or held a grand speech for every single soldier that had fallen, they simply hadn't had the time for that, but he hadn't taken his troops life's for granted.

Now, however…

Starscream remembered all the dead frames covering the ground of plenty of battlefields. He remembered how Megatron simply walked past them, without sparing them a single glance or thought. Oh, how Starscream wished that they could return to a time when the other mech had at least _acknowledged_ their deaths. It hadn't always been like this. Megatron hadn't always been this _cruel,_ at least not to his own faction.

_Megatronus cared. He_ never _walked from a battlefield without at least looking back once._

But Megatronus had long ago died, leaving behind this… _monster_

But when had the warlord turned from a leader to a monster? When had he started leaving his own soldiers behind, when he could've saved them? When had he started beating up his Second in Command for things that were out of his control? Starscream wished he knew.

Maybe it was after Kaon, Megatron's home city, had burned to ashes. Or maybe after Cybertron's core had extinguished. There were so many drastic changes throughout the war, so many reasons why Megatron could've turned out this way, and Starscream just didn't know what event made the warlord change.

Or maybe it wasn't a single event, but several in a row…

The seeker shook his head. Wondering about the past wouldn't do him any good. He needed to focus. As much as he could, anyway. He stared at the screen in front of him and the little that he wrote on it, immediately deciding to delete it all and start anew.

"Are you sure your break was long enough, Starscream? Or would you rather skip your shift altogether, hmm?"

Startled, Starscream whirled around, and to his horror, saw Megatron watching him with a more than displeased expression. He checked his chronometer and was shocked by how long he'd been on duty already. The seeker had spent most of his time lost in his thoughts, and Megatron had taken notice.

"I-I'll get right back to work, my lord." His servos started to tremble, so he gripped the console behind him to stop them from shaking. It didn't help much. Out of the corner of his optic, he could see that some of the Vehicons and Eradicons in the room had stopped working to watch the encounter, as was the norm.

That didn't make the situation any better for Starscream, however.

Quickly, the seeker turned back to his workstation, servos hovering over the control panels. Frantically, he began to type something, _anything_ so that Megatron wouldn't punish him. For a while he wrote utter nonsense until he could calm his racing mind enough to actually focus on the task ahead.

.

.

.

His shift seemed to go on forever, and Starscream wondered a couple of times if he'd been working nonstop for several days, but eventually, it did end.

With a sigh, he left the command bridge, grateful that Megatron had already made his leave an hour or so ago. The seeker definitely felt more at ease with the large mech's presence. He spotted a group of Vehicons at the end of a hallway, chatting and laughing among themselves, and suddenly felt a sense of longing. When was the last time he had a friendly conversation with someone outside of duty?

He scoffed. No, he was above such things. Friends, pah. He was Starscream, Air Commander of the Decepticon army. He didn't need friends…

The group of Vehicons rounded a corner at the end of the hallway, leaving Starscream to brood as their chatter faded.

"Hey, 'Screamer!"

Starscream jumped and whirled around, finding Knock Out and his companion, Breakdown, walking towards him. How he hadn't heard them sooner was beyond him, with how loud the bulkier mech was walking.

"What do you want, Knock Out?" He asked, irritation clear in his voice. The seeker didn't like the nickname, but no matter how often he told Knock Out to 'stop before he'd do more than scratch his paint', the medic never seemed bothered by the threats.

Breakdown shifted nervously, leaning down to his smaller companion. "Are you sure this is a good idea?" The blue mech murmured and Knock Out waved his servo, chuckling. "I'm not only sure, I _know_ this is a great idea!"

"But it's Starscream! Do you really think he'd like-" Breakdown protested, but Knock Out cut him off by placing a servo over his mouth. "Would you stop worrying? It's not like he'd kill us for suggesting it, alright?" The medic rolled his optics and Breakdown sulked.

Starscream crossed his arms and tapped his pede, getting impatient.

"Would you get to the point already? I don't have all day!" He snapped and the other two mechs turned to look at him, one more amused than the other. Knock Out really could be insufferable sometimes.

"My dear Starscream-" Knock Out really could be insufferable sometimes.

"Don't call me that." Knock Out just grinned while Starscream clenched his servos, contemplating whether he should just leave or assign the cocky medic to clean the halls before he did.

"Ahem." the red mech cleared his throat. His smirk vanished and was replaced by a small, nervous smile. Starscream was a little startled by the expression, since the medic rarely showed any sign of nervousness, even when Megatron was present.

"Breakdown and I wanted to ask you if you'd like to watch some human movies with us."

Starscream was shocked.

Would he like to watch a human movie? What kind of question was that?! If it had been made by disgusting, little fleshlings then of course he wouldn't want to watch it! How dare they think that he'd even consider that ridiculous idea!

He opened his mouth, ready to tell them off and punish them for assuming he'd lower himself to such a level, when he took in both mech's expressions.

Breakdown looked worried, even a little frightened, whereas Knock Out seemed to be the calmer of the two, but even the medic couldn't hide all of his worry. It wasn't that, however, what confused the seeker the most.

Both of them looked hopeful, as if they truly _wanted_ to spend time with him. There was no malice to be found on their faces. They weren't trying to make fun of him, or trick him.

They simply had invited him to watch movies with them.

That threw the seeker for a loop, and he took a minute to gather his composure, knowing exactly what his answer would be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm a little iffy about the ending of this chapter, but not so much that I wouldn't post it. Anyways, I hope you enjoyed this chapter! :D (Also, I suck at chapter titles qwq)
> 
> P.S.: Hey, I'm just asking if anyone would be interested in making story requests (one-shots or something similar for Transformers Prime and IDW). More info on my tumblr: chillvibingpotato


	7. A night to remember

„Wait, what did you say?" Knock Out blinked, seemingly surprised.

"I said fine, you imbecile." Starscream grumbled, crossing his arms and turning his helm to the side. A moment of silence followed, and the seeker was already beginning to regret his decision. Had they tricked him after all? Had he simply not noticed it soon enough?

Before he could begin to protest, however, Knock Out had grabbed his arm and started to drag him down the hallway, Breakdown in tow. Both of them were beaming with happiness, as if someone had just delivered the greatest news to them.

So this hadn't been a trap after all.

Starscream was in a daze as the three made their way to Knock Out and Breakdown's shared quarters. All the while the red medic chattered away about all the different kinds of movies the humans had made, but he barely listened. The seeker was fairly sure that this situation wasn't a bad one, albeit strange, but something in him just kept screaming that this wasn't right. Nothing ever went well for him.

The thin mech pulled himself from his thoughts just as the trio reached the door to the pair's room. Knock Out turned on the holo-screen mounted on one side of the wall while Breakdown pushed two small berths together for all of them to sit on. They obviously hadn't noticed that Starscream had not stepped into the room yet, instead assessing the situation from the entrance. He only stepped inside after the two other mechs had prepared everything for the movies they'd watch, not wanting to look suspicious or disinterested.

Knock Out and Breakdown both took a seat on the berths wich had been pushed together, leaving enough room for a third mech. Wings twitching nervously, the seeker walked over and slowly sat down, leaning to the opposite side so he wouldn't come in contact with them. Starscream already felt awkard enough with this whole situation. No need to make the other mechs thing he'd want to cuddle with them.

Bah. What a ridiculous thought.

The first movie started playing and bright explosions filled the holo-screen in the first few minutes. It was some sort of war movie, mixed with unfunny jokes and unrealistic physics. Starscream didn't really care. What bothered him, however, was that Knock Out kept glancing over to him with shining optics and a wide smile, and it made the flier uneasy. What was he looking at him like that for? Why wasn't he just watching the movie like Breakdown, who didn't even seem aware of the small glances his partner kept throwing the seeker.

_Maybe he just wants to make sure you like the movie_

It seemed bizarre and not _right_. Still, the idea that someone else wanted to make sure that he was enjoying something as silly as a human movie made him feel… better. He couldn't quite describe it.

It was just a nice thought that someone, whom he might even consider a friend, cared about him outside of duty.

Out of the corner of his optic, the thin mech noticed that even Breakdown was looking at him now. Slightly startled, Starscream turned to look at both of them, the small smile he'd worn leaving his face.

Wait. How long had he been smiling?

Knock Out chuckled and his partner grinned, mirth making the corner of his optics crinkle. He quickly turned his helm back to the movie, feeling embarrassed. He heard the other mechs snicker. But, unlike the many times he'd been laughed at by the rest of the Decepticons, Knock Out and Brekdown weren't mocking him by laughing. They were just happy, and slowly, he was beginning to enjoy himself too.

.

.

.

At some point during their little "movie-night", as Breakdown had called it, Starscream decided that he was too tired to continue watching. So he bid the two mechs goodbye, wished them a pleasant evening, and made his way back to his own quarters.

The seeker lay in his berth, utterly exhausted, but he couldn't recharge. It wasn't because of any injuries that hadn't healed yet, or that anxious feeling Starscream usually had when he thought of the next day, when he'd had to face Megatron again. The seeker was smiling widely and his spark spun in his chassis. It felt like it was trying to pull him from his berth, from his room, back to the medic and his assistant.

 _Go back,_ it seemed to say, _it was nicer there._

But he firmly told himself that this was a one-time thing. It was un-likely they'd ask him again, since he wasn't the most pleasant company one could have, and he wasn't about to ask them himself. It would look ridiculous, the Air Commander asking the ship's medic and his partner if they could have another movie-night.

No, the seeker didn't dare hope they'd do something like this again, but he would remember and value the night as it was. With those pleasant memories in mind, he closed his optics and rolled to one side of his small berth, finally falling into recharge.

But still, that small smile wouldn't leave his face.

.

.

.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a little short, but it won't keep me from posting. I needed fluff and Starscream needed a break, so this happened. Hope you enjoy it. :3


End file.
